as it may,

That big urgency
that life emergency

That place of silent fate we retreat to
to feel calm,placcid and nice
______________________________

The paper and the pen
The Craze that got us here

loved us
and then left us

far from anywhere near
_______________________________

I do not know how to feel anymore
politicized , rationalized and severely tamed

fights to the last
now seem something
of a very far , distant past

like 2 weeks worth of a lifetime in a way ...

i sit to stay
but my jumbled head
fogged and confused
costantly strays

to a recent future
and then a phasing past

when certainty seemed monotonous
but is now revered

when things were simply
and moderately clear
______________________________________

and as it may ,
with my nervous system
frayed

I keep telling myself
how to feel

like a manual car
that constantly needs
to shift and change gears
_____________________________________

I pray for him
in my sleep

i hate seeing him
so frail and weak

a backbone he is
and always will be

i see him clawing back
i see his future in me